end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
