Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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