I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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