i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Randomize
