Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
