Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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