Whod you bang
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
These tits shall not be calmed
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
