Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
