She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
she peed on how many people?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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