ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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