Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Randomize
