We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
