i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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