Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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