yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
