A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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