Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
