I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
