Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
