there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
