the condom got lost in my hair
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
