i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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