She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
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