Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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