Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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