Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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