I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
