I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
