if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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