I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
