So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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