My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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