That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
