Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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