she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
