u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
