Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
