He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
