i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
