There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
