my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
