I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
We need to get me chipped asap
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
