Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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