there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
