it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
