marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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