The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
