bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
