My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
