Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
