she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
