i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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