dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
