im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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