Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You're a waste of cheezeits
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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